A. Lee (goodbyethrough) wrote,
A. Lee
goodbyethrough

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[ 42 ] Take Me As I Am -- A KyuBum Piece

Title: Take Me As I Am
Author: polyurethane
Characters: Super Junior
Pairing: Kibum/Kyuhyun
Rating: R
Prompt: Surrender
Summary: It was supposed to be just about sex. ...And maybe that's all it ever would be.
Notes: For gekkonorondo. I have no idea what this is and I don't really like it, but she asked me to write it and so here it is. I hope my next Kibum/Kyuhyun piece will be happier since I do rather enjoy these two together. ...Enjoy it?



“Surrender yourself to me.” He whispered against the younger man’s skin.

“A-ah...” The boy breathed out, pressing up against his older companion.


It had been a few months since they’d started this… whatever it was and it wasn’t showing signs of stopping anytime soon. Neither could remember exactly how it started (the younger boy claimed it was just a spur of the moment thing, while the older boy insisted that it happened gradually over time), but it didn’t matter how it started.

What mattered was that it was happening.


“You want this, don’t you?” The older male asked in a low tone, licking along the shell of the younger’s ear.

“You know I want it.” The younger replied with a snarl.

“How badly do you want it?”

“More than anything in this world.”

“Is that so?”

“You know it is.” A hitched breath as the older rocked their hips together, “Fuck me.”

“With pleasure.”


He turned his younger lover around so that he was facing the wall and made quick work of removing his pants. Within seconds he had two fingers shoved deep inside the younger boy, moving them in and out at a slow pace.

After a short time, he removed his fingers and slicked himself up with his own spit.


“It might hurt.”

“I don’t care. Just do it.”


And so he thrust inside the younger boy, rocking his hips forward and letting out a low moan. This feeling was like heaven. Just something about being inside the other made him go insane. From the first time they’d had sex in that dingy motel in the bad part of town to now, it had never changed.

The only thing that was different was that they never used to take the time to actually enjoy the act. The first few times were more about achieving release over anything else. It was still about release now, but most of the time they actually slowed things down to try and get the most of it.

They never used to kiss either, but now that was a key part.

Of course, feelings weren’t supposed to come into play but at some part they had.

He’d fallen in love with the younger boy, but wouldn’t voice the words he’d longed to say for one simple reason. It would ruin what they had and he couldn’t live with himself if he let that happen.


“Kibum… fuck…” The younger rocked his hips backwards, urging the older male to move faster. He could feel his release nearing.

“Already?”

“Not yet… but soon…”

“It’s always quick with you.” The older complained.

“It has to be.”

“Why?”

“You know why.” And he pushed back against him, trying to get the friction he so needed.


Yes, it always had to be fast with the younger boy.

The reason?

The older was just a replacement.

A replacement for several lost loves.

The older knew he’d never surpass them and it hurt.


“Keep moving damnit.” The younger demanded, moving his hips back again.

“Shut up.” The older bit out, gripping his younger lover’s hair in his hand and tilting his head back to kiss him hard.


He refused to let the younger take control of this. If he was being used, he was going to use the other in return.

Even if he loved him (was it really love?), he wouldn’t let himself be used.


“Don’t say it.” The older boy groaned as he picked up his pace, thrusting hard into the other.

“Don’t say what?”

“Don’t play the fool, you know what.”

The younger tipped his head back and stared intently at the older male. “Oh you mean…” He whispered the last part, a slight chuckle leaving his lips seconds later.


And then he lost it, thrusting once more into the younger boy before allowing his release to take over. He slipped out soon after; watching his cum trail down the younger’s legs.


“I love you.” The younger breathed out as he turned to face him.

“You don’t.”

“Of course I do.”

“You don’t.”

“I do.”

“Why else would I let you fuck me?”

“Because you’re trying to replace them?”

“Replace who…?” The younger asked before breaking out into a laugh, a grin crossing his features. “Oh! You mean…”

“Yes.”

“I never loved them. They were just replacements for you.”

“What?”


The younger silenced him then by pressing their lips together, forcing his tongue into his older lover’s mouth.

The older pushed him away, moving quickly to get redressed.


“Don’t tell lies. If this meant nothing to you, then it means nothing.”

“Lies? What the hell do you mean?”

“How could you say they were replacements for me when I’m so clearly a replacement for them?”

“You’re such an idiot.”

“How am I an idiot?”

“I only ever slept with them because I couldn’t get you. But then one day you just so happened to fall into my lap and take my breath away.”

“You’re a fucking liar, Cho Kyuhyun. A bloody fucking liar.”

“Just shut up already, would you?”

“Why should I?”

“Because you just don’t get it!” The younger growled out, hitting the wall hard with his fist.


No, he didn’t get it. He was beyond confused.


“I love you, Kim Kibum. Just you. No one else meant anything to me. It was your name on my lips as I came, never theirs.”

“Clean yourself up.” The older demanded, looking at the younger boy in disgust.

“If I do, will you listen to me?”

“Maybe.”

The younger moved to get himself dressed, turning back to the older shortly after.


“Happy?”

“No.”

“Can you learn to be?”

“Maybe.”

“Sacrifice yourself.”

“If you do the same.”

“Anything for you.”

“Don’t sleep with anyone else ever again.”

“I haven’t in months. Not since you finally paid me some attention.”

“Liar.”


The younger sighed and dropped his shoulders, turning away.

If he couldn’t convince the older boy that he cared, maybe he just wasn’t worth it.


“Have a nice life, Kibum.”

“You too.”


Even if he’d asked the younger to surrender himself, maybe it just wasn’t possible for them.

If they couldn’t have trust, what could they have?


“Maybe we’ll meet again.”

“Maybe we will.”


And they would.

Maybe not in the near future, but somewhere along the road they would meet up again.

It wouldn’t be perfect, but if they learned to make sacrifices they may be able to make things work.


“I did love you.”

“Sure.”
Tags: character ; cho kyuhyun, character ; kim kibum, fandom ; super junior, i have no idea wtf this is, pairing ; kibum/kyuhyun, year ; 2009
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